using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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