I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
