If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
