I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize