the condom got lost in my hair
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
