uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
