I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize