Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
