ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize