I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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