FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
