maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
