dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
