Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
