I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Damn victory sex feels great
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
