I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
