The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My vagina just recognized that song.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
