it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
