It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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