You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
