if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
