Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
