Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
