Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
