If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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