the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
