if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize