maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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