Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
