I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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