you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
