he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
