HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
