Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
