As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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