We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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