Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
