Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
