so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Boobs speak an international language.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
