I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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