Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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