I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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