Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
