Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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