It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
