Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
