Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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