Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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