dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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