Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
