so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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