Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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