Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
