So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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