You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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