You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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