I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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