i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
