Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
