I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
