So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
