remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize