Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
