Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
