u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize