I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
