He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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