If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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