he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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