I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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