You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
