Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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