Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize