yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
