party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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