Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
