At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
