I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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