oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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