My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
