So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
