im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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