I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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