Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
