we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
