I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
