My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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