toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
did you just send me my own nude
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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