if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We had to coat check the pizza.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
