She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
