...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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