Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
