the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
