gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
